If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side and it holds the universe together.
On the Shore
Above the beach, hidden by the trees,
Well beyond the reservoirs' reach,
Lies hopes and dreams of days gone passed
Dirty shades of blue match the mood of decay
As the old girl slowly goes natures way.
Lying supine on the grass,
Old labels give glory to her past.
Remember the day you first went on the water?
The pleasure of sailing you surely have forgotten.
Her once bright paintwork now dull and blistered,
All the joy she once gave, when the metal truly glistened,
Her gift of adventure are distant memories now,
The water in the bottom you thought was rain
Are in fact tears of pain.
As she remembers your promises to her one day,
To return and take her out to play.
Her ending is now without ceremony.
Your once pride and joy is a distant memory
The road to hell its paved with good intentions
Spurned by you - she now never gets a mention
No one now hears her cries of despair
As decay slowly rots her heart away.
SE
Got Some Bread?
It was a warm Saturday afternoon in July. Gillian was serving at the bar. A duck landed on the balcony. It walked into the room, flapped its wings and jumped onto a bar stool.
The duck spoke to Gill.
Duck: “Got some bread?”
Gill (taken aback): “Er, no”
Duck: “Got some bread?”
Gill: “Um, no. I said no, we don’t keep bread”
Duck: “Got some bread?”
Gill: “Look, I told you. We … have … no… bread”
Duck: “Got some bread?”
Gill (having got over the surprise but now getting increasingly irritated): “Look here duckie, I’m not going to tell you again. This is a sailing club bar. We serve drinks and snacky things like crisps, but that is all. If you say that once more I’m going to nail your beak to the bar!” (pause…)
Duck: “Got some nails?”
Gill: No!
Duck: “Got some bread?
